Admit it, we've all been there. Because of your height, you stand out and that means at some point in your life, you've probably been on the receiving end of a height joke or two (or three or eight). You've most likely encountered them in grade school, television sitcoms (Fresh Prince Of Bel Air anyone?) or even in the workplace. Add to that, every time it's done, whether it be from a friend you've known for years, or some stranger who thinks they're being super witty or original, you've probably heard the same joke ten or twenty times. How's that for originality? Whether the context is friends ribbing each other, or someone trying to to one up you and kill your confidence, well, because you can't do anything about it, it's pretty tough to come up with retort when your comeback is toward someone who's on the right side of social privilege. Think about it, or society practically engrains it in our heads from the time we are tots, that tall = good and short = bad. Who wouldn't want to be tall then?
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Well, if you're searching for that comeback, worry not! We've got you covered. Being short is amazing! You'll live longer and be a better a lover and husband. Science proves that, so get back to cracking jokes. Here is a list of tall jokes that will get people to laugh, gasp, or both! Remember that every height joke sent your way might be not be with bad intentions, so context is everything. Either way, you should have fun with this list. Enjoy! If you have any you want us to include here, send them to us!
You're So Tall
- You're so tall when you do backflips, you kick Jesus in the face.
- You're so tall that you have to go to the end of the street to turn around because your feet are so freaking huge.
- You're so tall, if you tripped over a rock, you'd hit the moon
- You're so tall, no matter where you go, I can't stop seeing you
- You're so tall, you use the Empire State Building as a toothpick
- You're so tall, you use the ocean as a swimming pool
- You're so tall, your birthday is January through December
- You're so tall, when you lie down, your whole body is in six different zip codes
- You're mother's so tall, her vagina stretches for 12 miles
- You're so tall, you can sit on the Brooklyn Bridge and soak your feet
- You're so tall, you use the Eiffel tower as a dildo
- You're so tall you walk three blocks with every step
- You're so tall, hijackers fly planes into your lips
- You're so tall, you have to take a bath in Niagara Falls.
- You're so tall, bartenders serve you drinks in water towers
- You're so tall "Google Earth" is a camera taped to your forehead
- You're so tall when you do a push up, you burn your back on the sun
- You're so tall, you actually sit on a stadium and use it as a toilet
- You're so tall, you have to stand on a chair to put on your hat.
- You're so tall, you use suspension cables from bridges as belts.
- You're so tall, you eat your food out of a satellite dish
- You're so tall, you use a streetlight as a coat hook.
- What can you do to make a tall person look more awkward? You can't.
- What's the difference between a 5ft person and a 6ft person? 1 ft and a brain.
- Yeah okay, that's why you're mother is probably Big Foot
- That's why you have to knock on the roof instead of the door when you visit people
- You know what? I'm glad you're tall, it gives me more of you to dislike
- [After any flat joke] Oh yeah I forgot it takes a while for the signal to reach your brain.
- Tall, Dark and Handsome huh? More like Tall, Dark and Annoying....
- Yeah tall man/tall girl, keep ducking from airplanes you big tall freak
- Right. Yeah and I bet when you pick up a flat screen it'd look like you're carrying an iPhone
- Thank God I'm not close to your height. It's birds and God who have to put up with your nasty breath
- Do you even get oxygen up there?
Height jokes do not necessitate a comeback at someone else for their own stature. Remember, all insults were not created equal. Typically, if someone attempts to insult you for your lack of height, they do so because they (wrongfully) believe that being short is something negative, and as such you'd have be "insecure" about it (right...). Insults like this warrant friendly fire. In other words, pull their chain on something you know they will be insecure about, be it a physical characteristic (eye for an eye), or something they actually can control. The latter usually has more of an impact as it's usually an attack on the discipline required by them to climb over whatever mountain separating them from bliss. Whichever path you take, it will get them to reflect on the pettiness and insensitivity that comes with insulting someone for an immutable trait. Just always remember the context. There's a difference between a friendly jab and just flat out being mean.
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You may not want to go for the Grammy award for best joke when at work as you always want to be the one who looks squeaky clean in the eyes of your employer, especially if you're ever in the position to have to deal with your HR department. In that case, bite the bullet, be the bigger man and let them take the fall for acting inappropriately. Your job is far more important than letting off some cool one-liner. Context once again my friends, is everything.
Most people think of height jokes as "acceptable", so be careful with comebacks at work | Source: Horsejobs
If you have any jokes that you'd like to add to this list, by all means send them to us! We plan on updating this list frequently!
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